How Writing Saved my Life Twice
Just write. Write like your life depends on this.
I’d recognise these hands in a million.
I received the message with just one cropped image: hands.
My late father’s hands.
Big, rough, highlander’s hands holding a piece of homemade torta.
It vas a simple Viber message. Yet, it broke me in a million pieces.
I love these hands. They hugged me and nurtured me; they were my security blanket.
These hands are not with me anymore.
I don’t have my security blanket; my big, grumpy outside but soft as cotton inside, dad.
My rock.
My most secure place.
COVID-19 took him in January 2022. in less than a week.
I was in Australia, still in lockdown and not allowed to go out of the country.
I couldn’t go to Serbia to say the last goodbye or to be at the funeral.
I was devastated.
Mad.
Full of rage.
Eaten inside by the guilt:
For leaving him to pursue a better life.
For not seeing him for four years while we struggled to start a new life.
For not saying “fuck you” to Australian Government and going to a funeral (although that would probably mean the end of our visa and our new life).
I spent an entire year grieving, spiralling into a depression and trying to let go of all the sadness in my soul.
They say sadness is nothing more than an immense love for the person who died. Love that doesn’t have a place to go.
They say sadness is a good sign while you try to overcome someone’s death.
But not if it spirals you into depression.
I was paralysed.
I couldn’t write about my emotions, as I have been doing for 23 years,
I couldn’t heal my soul with writing
I didn’t pour my sadness onto paper, as I did for years, and even built my entire writing career on that premise.
I was numb.
The only things that kept my head above the water were my family and going to the gym.
One day, I just felt it’s enough to life in self pitty and dark — and returned to what saved my life multiple times: writing.
So, I started doing what I had done many times before:
When I was 14, my mum died - I started writing in my journal and learned to express and calm my emotions through writing. And never stopped.
When I left the house to study and left my two favourite people in the world alone — my father and my brother
When I became a new mum and didn’t have anyone to help me transition to a new, colossal role
When I got my third child and was swamped with chores, too tired to think, and yet craved to be creative and write
When I immigrated to Australia to journal all the tectonic changes our small 5-person family squad had to survive.
I just wrote.
About everything.
My feelings.
My fear.
My sadness.
I am positive writing has saved me from depression and dark places when I was a teen and lost my mum.
It saved me now, when I lost my dad at age 44 and became an orfan for real.
Paper is your best friend — just write and let go.
I didn’t have scientific proof yet, but I knew instinctively that I felt better when I put my feelings on the paper.
I wrote every day in my journal.
Now, I know science has confirmed “ the magic power” of writing as one healthy way to deal with any overwhelming emotion.
Writing can help you:
Manage anxiety
Reduce stress
Cope with depression
After a month, I was able to articulate what I wanted:
I wanted to start writing publicly again. I know that would make my dad happy and proud.
So, I opened a Medium account and the Substack newsletter started writing even though I was afraid to write in English.
Without a plan. Or big ideas. Or any thought to chase “big money”.
I just wrote.
To save myself.
My soul.
And keep that connection with my dad.
Substack can save you
I know that many Substack pros are here in your Notes. Many of them try to sell you success and money, but they also teach you how to get both on Substack.
Even I am trying to sell my ideas and my offers here. That’s fine.
But we can’t forget many people here write for fun, to enjoy, heal, share their stories, and be heard.
And that’s perfectly fine and can be of extreme value.
So, if you are new here and maybe feeling low as you don’t earn $100, $300 or $1000 per month, keep in mind that you can still write:
To feel better
To share your story
To inspire people
To help them change their life
To save your soul
To learn new things
To get better at writing
Just write.
Like your life depends on this.
Thanks for reading.
I’m Angelina, an ex-journalist turned content strategist.
If you want help to make better stories faster, subscribe to my newsletter. Maybe you won’t be my customer, but we can heal our souls by writing.
Sorry for your loss. I had a similar situation when my mother died.
Mel